What Are We Now?
Dear Joe,
I’m a 23-year-old working girl. My dilemma started December of last year. One of my officemates let his feelings be known. I can’t deny it, Joe, I liked him too. The problem is, he’s committed. When I talked to him about it, he told me that he and his girlfriend weren’t talking anymore. I even asked him to patch things up with her because I didn’t want to be the reason for their breakup. He told me not to worry because I wasn’t the reason. Things started from there, though I still kept a little distance from him when our officemates were around because they all knew that he had a girlfriend. It’s hard not to fall for him, because he’s so sweet, malambing, and loves to make me laugh—all the things that I like in a guy. He even told me that he loves me. All was well, until one day, I learned that he and his girl had patched things up. I was devastated, Joe. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. He’s my first love. I cried so hard when I learned about it. When he learned that I already knew, he did everything he could to explain his side. Since then, even hearing his voice pains me. But I missed him during that time, so I decided to talk to him once and for all, to fix things between us. When I saw him, it was so painful I didn’t even speak. He asked me, “So what are we now?” We parted ways. Things took a different turn when our officemates planned an out-of-town trip. I asked him to come, and he did. It was really hard for me to ignore him, because our friends would get suspicious. But it also hurts to talk to him because I admit, I still love him. That night, he wanted to talk about what happened. We never had the chance to talk, because something happened between us. When we got back to Manila, he became cold. I asked him if he still loves me. He said yes, but I don’t feel it. I still love the guy so much. But then, thinking of his girlfriend makes me feel so guilty. But I don’t want to lose him. He has become my life. I’m so confused. I want to move on. But I don’t want to leave him.
Angel

Dear Angel,
It seems that you have gotten what you wanted, in a different way. I think what took place on that out-of-town trip was bound to happen. You probably made it very easy for him to be intimate with you, and he simply found your invitation quite difficult to resist that night. I know that intimate interlude meant a lot to you, but it may not have meant as much to him. He probably just took advantage of your vulnerability and openness. The fact that he was cold when you went back to Manila just shows that what happened that night was something that he probably didn’t want to happen in the first place. He could be troubled with guilt just as much as you are. Angel, I know you love this man, but, if there is no sign that he feels the same way for you, then I don’t see any reason why you have to pursue your feelings for him. You can have him physically but if his hearts belongs to someone else, then no amount of closeness can ever truly bring him to you. Angel, the reason why we refuse to let go of a person we love is because we are afraid to be alone. But if that person doesn’t love us, then being with him or her doesn’t make any difference. We would have someone beside us, but still be alone. The real essence of a relationship lies in the commitment of two people, and not just one. It lies in the basic foundation of love that is shared by two and not just felt by one. Angel, to put it bluntly, you simply cannot be happy with a man who loves someone else. Do not allow yourself to be a prisoner of your own desires. Let us always remember that it is in giving and not in taking that we experience the real meaning of love. It is in loving and not in wanting to be loved in return that we find real happiness.