A Fear of Losing Him Completely
Dear Joe,
Just call me Mishy, a college junior with a boyfriend named Earl. We've been together for almost a year now, and I have nothing more to ask for. But as time went by, a certain fear came over me. I'm afraid I might lose him if someone better comes along. I can't think of anything else. When he's not with me, I'm afraid that he might seeing someone else. We've been fighting a lot lately. I've been getting jealous of every girl he talks to. It has come to a point that we're already hurting each other. I don't want anyone to come between us. I love Earl so much but I can't stand the endless fighting. I dont know what to think. Am I just being too paranoid? Should I believe his assurance that he'll never ever leave me? I've made so many sacrifices for him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Please help me, Joe. I really don't know how to deal with it. I hope that my fear of losing him will completely dissapear.
Mishy

Dear Mishy,
It is completely normal to feel a certain amount of fear at the thought of losing the people we love and the people whom we know love us. I believe that it is this fear that constantly reminds us of our responsibility to contribute to the wellness of our relationships. Complacency becomes evident when we become so comfortable with our partners to the point of taking them for granted. Without the fear of losing them, we become catalysts for the destruction of our own relationships. However, there is the downside of letting this fear go beyond the bounds of reason. Paranoia breeds mistrust that poisons healthy relationships. Letting this fear take over your mind and create pictures of infidelity pushes our protectiveness to a level that becomes uncomfortable for our partners. Outrageous feats of jealousy that go beyond sensibility can become very annoying and destructive as well. Mishy, love alone cannot guarantee forever. You have to trust Earl. And you have to be complete to do that. In love, two halves do not make a whole. Only two complete individuals can make a whole. You have to resist the mistrust and jealousy that slowly erode the foundation of your relationship. Trust and respect are very important. And even if one fails in giving these, the other should be ready to forgive. This is the cycle of love, hurting, getting hurt, forgiving and starting again. Every time we go through this we become stronger persons. We become more equipped to face the challenges in our relationships. Mishy, there are a lot of times when our feelings don't think. When our emotions get too strong, we should stop for a while and let reason guide our actions. Let Earl know that you trust him. He needs that. Don't let your imagination go beyond what your eyes can see. Fear not that you will lose his love; but fear that you may be the one to push him out of love.